Raphael is pretty certain the world is going to end. At least, how else do you explain everything that’s happened so far? If nothing else, Raph feels like his own world is ending.
The Kraag have taken over New York. They failed to save the city. If they can’t save one city, Raphael isn’t sure how they’re going to save the rest of the planet. Their sensei is probably dead, and their leader has been in a coma for the past three months. And they’re all stuck inside this farmhouse, and everyone else is acting like everything is fine. Things couldn’t look worse.
Raph stares at Leonardo’s face, wishing and hoping there was more he could do. Wishing those blue eyes would open and land on him, and give him a pretty smile, and tell him everything will be okay.
It doesn’t happen. Those eyes stay closed. Raph still feels soul crushingly empty. He reaches out to run his fingers over the red streaks on the slider’s face, swallowing and wishing he could have had more time with him before everything blew up in their faces.
He's supposed to be coming up with a plan. An excuse to give April and Casey, in case Leo does wake up, or doesn’t, and starts laying his eggs like he does every three months. Because they don’t know about Leo’s whole ‘biologically a female’ thing, and Leo probably isn’t ready to spill the news, especially in such a way. But Raph’s mind feels like mush. All he can think about is how much his chest aches over how they left things between the two of them. How he might never get a chance to figure out what’s actually going on between them. That he’ll never get to tell Leo how he actually feels.
He falls asleep with his cheek pressed against the lip of the tub, replaying kisses in his head that make his cheeks flush. Wishing Leo was awake to make it actually happen. He falls asleep imagining how their talk might actually go. In his version it ends in happy tears and Leo kissing him senseless and telling him he loves him too and…things that probably won’t ever happen. He falls asleep wishing wishing wishing , and hurting .
He wakes up to a hand closing around his wrist. A graze against his face. A raspy call of his name.
He grumbles as he comes to, eyes refusing to focus when he opens them.
“Raph?”
He blinks, and then jolts up, shocked at what he sees.
Leo is awake. His eyes are open. He’s squeezing at Raph’s hand.
So many emotions spill through him so quickly that the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a gush of sound. He grapples to squeeze Leo’s hand.
“Awake- you awake- f*ck-“ he’s lost all sense of words in his excitement, only finding the bare essentials. He shouts, calling to the others, who are still sparing outside.
People fill the room shortly after. It’s loud, they’re all overjoyed. It’s the first shred of good news they’ve had in months. Raph scoops Leo up out of the tub, apologizing when the guy winces and hisses in pain. He not so subtly takes him to the bedroom with two twin beds; the bedroom that Raph has mostly claimed as his own. He hopes none of the others find that strange.
Leo’s voice is different, deeper, and it sends shivers down Raph’s carapace, making his tail twitch. Donnie looks him over, and it’s clear that Leo is still pretty hurt. His knee bothers him the most. April and Donnie bandage it up. They all spend the rest of the day filling him in on what happened, and everything that he missed.
The entire time Raph can’t take his eyes off the guy. He can’t believe he’s awake . He’s alive . He’s sitting up and talking . He’s smiling. His eyes are so blue. Raph is pretty sure that’s his new favorite color.
When Raph goes to sleep in the other bed that night, and it’s finally just the two of them, he doesn’t know what to say. He’s thought about all the things he’s wanted to say when this moment finally arrived, and now that he’s here, his mind is blank.
“Hey.” Leo whispers in the dark.
“Am glad you are okay.” Raph fumbles out.
“I know.” Leo smiles. “Night, Raph. Promise I’ll wake up in the morning, okay.”
“You better.” Raph grunts, because that would be horrible, if he didn’t. “Have-ta kill ya if ya scare me.”
Leo lets out the softest laugh, and Raph is pretty sure his cold empty heart melts in his chest.
- - - - -
Raph knows they need to talk about it. It happened, and then the world went to sh*t, and he doesn’t know where they stand. He’s never known where they stand. Leo always seems to be giving him mixed signals. Sometimes it seems like he’s fully on board, and will drag Raph down dark sewer tunnels just to kiss him senseless, and then other times he’s stone cold and skirts around Raph like Raph has a disease.
He’s never been good at reading or understanding people. That’s kind of what happens when you’ve spent half of your life as a feral being fighting to survive, all by yourself. And then these people walk into your life, and they have all these fancy ways of talking and all these labels for feelings and thoughts and emotions. All Raph knew for several years was fear and hunger. He didn’t know security and safety and loneliness were a thing.
So yeah, maybe he has a bit of a rage problem. He gets frustrated easily. He’s bad at solving problems. He’s bad at communicating. But in the years he’s known the other turtles, he’s learned that communicating is still important. Even if he is bad at it most of the time.
Usually he and Leo end up arguing. He gets frustrated, lashes out, feels inferior and like the odd one out, and doesn’t know how to handle it. That probably is his fault.
Arguing is actually how this started, this whole thing between him and Leo. A heated argument in a sewer tunnel, and then all of a sudden a mouth was on his, and he’s chased the feeling that gave him ever since. Fallen for it and the lips and funny quirks of the turtle who owns them.
Leo doesn’t kiss him when they argue any more. That took Raph a while to figure out, once the change happened. Instead he got kisses when he was nice. Got his hand held under blankets during movie nights. Sent sly winks when no one else was looking.
But sometimes Leo will go a while without doing any of those things. And then out of the blue, without warning, everything is good again and Raph feels almost overwhelmed with the warm feeling in his chest when he’s backed up against a brick wall, a hot mouth on his.
At first Raph thought maybe that’s just how things are supposed to be. But then Mikey watches all these shows where people are together and it doesn’t seem like that at all. And Donnie gushes about what dating April might be like, and Raph eventually realized that maybe things aren’t supposed to be hot and cold all the time.
The other turtles and Master Splinter also don’t know. At least, Raph doesn’t think they do. Leo made it pretty clear early on that what they had was something they should probably hide. That’s another thing Raph doesn’t entirely understand, but Leo has always been better at knowing things, so maybe there’s something Raph is just missing. At this point he really just takes what he can get.
The one time he had tried to say something, he must not have said the right thing. Because Leo…things just didn’t go right.
So instead, for almost nine months now— but really only six, since Leo’s been out for three months— they’ve been doing this weird back and forth where Leo can’t seem to make up his mind, and Raph is convinced that the feeling in his chest is what people call “love”. Yes, he looked it up on the internet. He’s pretty sure that’s what this is. And he really really hopes Leo loves him too, because he’s not sure what he would do if he didn’t.
And then right before sh*t hit the metaphorical fan, something else happened. Kisses got a little more serious. Leo admitted he thought he was ready to try something else, if Raph was okay with it.
That something else was sex. Raph, of course, said yes to that. Because holy sh*t, Leo wanted to have sex.
And the sex was good. It was really really really good, and as far as Raph knows, Leo liked it too. He really hopes he liked it too.
But they haven’t talked about it. Literally the next day aliens were flying in through dimensional portals to spray their world with mutagent, and now New York is an almost alien planet. And they failed to stop it, and they had to flee the city. And Leo got hurt bad in the process.
So yeah, they really need to talk about it. What this means now, where they go from here. If it actually meant anything at all, or does Leo not care like that. Just, you know, little things like that.
But the problem, is that Raph can’t ever get the slider alone. Someone else is always with him, unless he’s sleeping. And Raph doesn’t want to bother him while he’s hurt and healing and desperately needing the rest.
Donnie doesn’t seem so troubled with doing so, waking Leo up to talk about the possibility of him laying eggs anytime soon. Which he claims probably won’t happen, but doesn’t sound too sure about. Leo also says he doesn’t think so. He also doesn’t sound too sure.
So Raph tries to plan to get them alone. He manages to get their leader out of the bed and hobbling across the floor. He plans to take him for a short walk by the creek, fully aware of the possibility that he might just need to carry him. But then the others hear about this plan to take a nice walk, and literally everyone joins in. Raph is forced to watch in silence as Mikey coaxes his older brother to come swimming in the stream with him.
So that falls through. And Raph still isn’t able to get him alone. He craves to at least hold the guys hand, but he doesn’t want to push things.
And then it happens. In the middle of the night, Leo lets out a cry that has everyone jumping out of their beds. Raph reaches him first, to find him curled up around himself, and alone in the bedroom. Mikey claimed he wanted a sleepover. Raph had begrudgingly allowed him to take the twin bed that night, to be the lookout for Leo. But Mikey is nowhere to be seen.
He yells for help, but everyone else is already piling into the room. When Raph lays eyes on Mikey, the fear that has him feeling all kinds of jittery turns into pure anger.
“YOU!” He grabs Mikey by the shoulders. “You ‘posed to be here to help!” He growls, “You ‘posed to watch him!”
He sees red. Leo is in pain, and no one was here to help him. That can’t happen. It just can’t.
Casey says something and grabs Raph’s shoulder, but Raph just elbows him off.
“What ya doin!” He shouts, shoving at Mikey’s chest. “Why not in here!”
“Raph knock it off, this is not helping. Mikey was with me. We had no reason to think Leo wouldn’t be fine.” Donnie speaks up, butting his way between them.
With Donnie? Raph’s brain short circuits for a second. Are they, do they also have something going on that Raph wasn’t aware of? No, Donnie is obsessed with April- this makes no sense.
“With you? Why?” He demands.
“I- I had a bad dream.” Mikey whimpers.
“Bad dream!” Raph scoffs. A bad dream? Really? He ditched Leo over a bad dream?
“Enough!” April yells at the top of her lungs. “All of you, knock it off!”
Raph looks up at her, jaws snapping shut when he sees the anger on her little face. The room goes silent, except for Leo’s painful groans.
“Something is wrong with Leo. We don’t have time to argue. Donnie, help me.” April says, voice stern.
Raph looks back at Leo, and feels frozen in place by fear. Their leader was fine. He was okay, just yesterday. Raph’s world was stitching its way back together. And now it feels like it’s unraveling again.
Donnie moves to feel Leo’s stomach, and Leo grips him hard to hiss something at him. When Donnie looks up at them, there’s a look in his eyes that Raph can’t quite interpret. Something like fear.
“Mikey. I’m going to need warm water. Raph, get towles.”
Raph stares at him. He glances at Leo, gut twisting at the way the turtle curls in on himself, puffing out air.
“Raph. Towels.” Donnie repeats.
Raph swallows, and does as he’s told. He finds the linen closet and rips out at least five towels. Donnie wasn’t very specific, so he grabs the little ones too. He rushes back to the room to drop them on the other bed; the one Mikey was supposed to be sleeping in.
When he turns back around Donnie is leaned over Leo, hand rubbing over his lower plastron. Seeing it sends a nasty wave of jealousy through Raph, but then his nose picks up that smell- the one that comes off Leo every three months. And then it all makes sense.
“Blankets.” Raph breathes, “Need blankets?”
Leo is the one that responds, gasping out a “please”.
Raph rushes back to the linen closet to rip out more blankets. He piles them high into his arms, swinging into the other bedrooms to grab pillows and more blankets. He can’t help but rub his face into the fabrics, hoping Leo will be able to smell him. Hoping it will make him feel better.
When he gets back the room is stiflingly quiet, like a bomb just went off. He drops the bedding.
“Ya still here?” He asks.
April startles and looks at him. She looks scared.
“We were just leaving.” Casey answers, reaching to grab April. April rips free of him and storms off.
Raph’s attention is grabbed by Leo. He doesn’t really catch the short conversation between Donnie and Casey. He just stares, feeling awful at the way Leo’s face scrunched up. He kneels down and grasps the slider’s outstretched hand, heart squeezing painfully in his chest at the agony clearly on display in those pretty blue eyes.
“Ya ok?” He asks.
Leo lets out a puff of air. “No.”
Raph wants so desperately to kiss him. Be it his hand, or his forehead, or his lips. He wants so badly to take away that pain. It hurts to see him like this. He hates that Leo has to go through this.
It’s not usually like this. Not this bad, doesn’t happen so suddenly. Leo usually hurts during this, but Raph can’t remember it ever being like this. Not since the first time it happened. It worries him. He knows Leo is still hurting from the rest of his injuries. He really hopes this doesn’t make things worse.
He rubs over his fingers, licking over his snaggle tooth. “What can I do?” He asks.
Leo doesn’t have an answer.
“Ya wan’ me ta stay?” Raph whispers.
He doesn’t usually. Leo likes to be alone, or just have Donnie or Splinter for support. This isn’t something Raph is ever present for. Leo doesn’t let him. But Raph wants to be. He wants to be here to hold his hand, make sure he is okay. Kiss away his pain. Anything he can do to make this not so bad.
“Nah- just- Donnie.” Leo grunts out, mouth curling as another cramp passes through him.
It’s a kick to the gut, but Raph should have expected it. He tries not to let his disappointment show. He tries to make a joke.
“Yeah. Not wanna pass out.”
Leo snorts. “Mikey would.”
Raph tries to smile. Mikey probably would. Mikey isn’t good with this kind of stuff. Anytime someone is hurt, or there’s blood, Mikey is out for the count. He can’t watch.
“Raph, can you get pain meds? I want to get Leo going on some before this all starts.” Donnie requests.
Raph doesn’t want to leave Leo’s side. He wants to stay here. But he nods, and he does as is asked of him.
He grabs the whole bottle, and fills up a cup of water. Mikey skips past him with an ice pack and a hot bag of rice. Raph feels silly for not having thought of those things himself. Usually Leo likes a heat pad or something when he’s like this.
When Raph gets back he helps Leo down some pills. He can’t seem to let go of the guy’s hand, squeezing tight. Donnie asks questions that Leo doesn’t have answers to. Raph just stares.
Finally he remembers all the blankets he grabbed earlier. “Ya want nest?” He asks.
Leo gasps out a “Yes.”
Raph scoops him up in his arms as Donnie and Mikey grab all the bedding to pile up on the bed. Raph sets Leo down, and Leo gives a feeble attempt to burrow. Mikey asks if he needs help. He clearly does.
Raph tries really hard not to hiss at the others as they dig in. There’s a wicked instinct inside of him to shove the others out of the way. That this is his nest, his burrow, for his mate. That they are competition. But he knows that’s a ridiculous notion, that he shouldn’t want that, that Leo wouldn’t want that. So instead he mostly stands back and squeezes his hands into fists, clenching his jaw as the other turtles chirp and murmur, tails wiggling.
He helps lay Leo into the middle of the pile, into the divot they’ve carved out for him. He relaxes as he melts into the bedding, a mild form of bliss crossing his features. That makes Raph’s heart pound faster. That his boy feels better, because of something he suggested.
He keeps a hold on Leo’s hand. He doesn’t know what to say. The things he wants to say can’t be said right now. Mikey is the one who does most of the chattering, and Donnie continues to feel over the slider’s lower plastron and around his hips, taking his pulse. Leo manages a few strained laughs at his brother's obvious attempts to cheer him up. Seeing him smile, even if it is pained, makes Raph’s heart flutter.
Mikey eventually leaves to grab a new ice pack. Moments later Leo jolts forward with a gasp, crushing Raph’s hand as he hisses.
“Woah, you okay?” Donnie says, leaning in to try and support him.
Leo growls, teeth clenched as he bares down, legs shaking. He falls back with a cry.
“Oh god- Donnie it hurts so much,” he sobs.
And he’s crying. Actually crying, real tears down his cheeks. Raph’s heart stutters in his chest, and it’s hard to breathe when he sees it. Leo never cries. Raph can only think of three times he’s seen Leo cry. Only one of those were because he was in pain.
“Leo- ya okay?” Raph asks.
“No,” the slider whimpers, teeth chattering.
Donnie leans in to feel his belly. “I think your eggs dropped, Leo. That’s what that was. That was a pretty bad contraction, huh?”
Leo takes shaky breaths. He nods. “Yeah- yeah I- yeah.” He can barely speak.
Mikey comes back with a new ice pack, and Raph is glad he missed what just happened. Leo is sweating bullets, and Mikey quickly presses the pack to his forehead.
Raph doesn’t know what to do. This is bad. He’s pretty sure it’s not usually like this. He squeezes Leo’s hand, snaggletooth worrying over his lip.
“What Raph can do?” Raph whispers, hoping there’s something, anything.
Instead of answering, Leo cries out again. Mikey looks beyond startled. Raph’s hand is crushed in the slider’s grip.
“f*ck,” Leo swears, gasping for air. And then after a moment he says “Did- did I lay it?”
Raph glances as Donnie, who looks confused. The softshell glances into the pile of blankets. Raph really doesn’t like the way he pales.
“Don?” Leo huffs.
“I- uh- you-“ Donnie stutters. “You- no. You didn’t.”
He doesn’t elaborate, which doesn’t make Raph feel any better.
“Donnie…” Mikey whispers, eyes wide as saucers.
“Think Imma puke.” Leo slurs, a shiver running through him.
Raph immediately runs to grab the trash can, pulling it up next to the bed so Leo doesn’t have to go far.
“Thanks Ra.” Leo whispers.
Raph meets Donnie’s eyes, and all Donnie can do is give a shake of his head: it’s not good. Raph hates the fear that spears its way through him, making his chest clench painfully.
He doesn’t want to leave. He can’t. But Mikey is hanging onto his arm, clearly scared, and Donnie is waving at them to get out, and Raph realizes he’s not supposed to be in here anymore. Leo did say he didn’t want him in here for this.
So he leaves. He drags Mikey out of the room, and they go down to sit in the living room. Mikey curls up on the couch and gnaws at his claws. Raph can’t help but pace the floor.
It’s agonizing, waiting and waiting. He can hear Leo crying upstairs. Can hear his shouts of pain. It makes him feel dizzy with worry.
“Raphie?” Mikey whimpers eventually.
He grunts, running a hand over his snout.
“Is- is Leo going to be okay? It’s not- it’s not usually like this.”
The truth is Raph is pretty sure something is wrong. Because Mikey is right, it’s not usually like this. He shakes his head, but instead he says “He’ll be okay.” Because he knows the younger turtle needs someone to tell him a white lie.
Donnie calls down to Raph eventually. Both dread and hope rush through him as he scrambles back up the stares.
“Get April.” Donnie whispers.
“A- what?” Raph is confused. April doesn’t know what’s going on, why does Donnie want April?
“He’s asking for her- I don’t- just go get her, please.”
He’s asking for her. Leo is asking for April. Not Raphael. April.
Why? Why would he want April? Why not Raph? What’s wrong with Raph? Is Raph not good enough comfort?
“I get Casey?” He asks, remembering the other human.
“I don’t- I don’t care, Raph. Just- just get April. Please. He wants April.”
He does as he’s told. He sprints out to the barn to grab the red head, flinging the barn doors open. April is pacing just like Raph was at the house, in the middle of ranting to Casey, who sits with a blank expression on his face against one of the walls.
“Leo asking for you.” Raph huffs.
“He- what?”
“Leo asking for you, April. Go.”
She pauses, and then she’s rushing past him for the house. Casey stands up.
“You- what about me?”
“You come to house. Wait with Mikey.” Raph grunts, turning to leave.
Casey trails him back to the house. He asks what’s going on. Raph doesn’t have an answer for him.
Casey flops down on the couch with Mikey, who leans into him. They talk nervously. Raph forces himself to sit in a chair. He leans forward, elbows on his knees, gnawing at his lip.
Donnie comes down eventually with a glass in his hand. Raph perks up, watching him closely. Donnie looks worried, but he’s clearly trying to hide it. Before Raph can jump up to interrogate him, Mikey is flying up to go do it himself.
Raph tries to listen in to the conversation. Donnie is clearly trying to make things sound not so bad. Raph watches him go back up the stairs, wishing he could read the softshell’s mind.
And then Raph can’t sit anymore. He continues to pace the room. Mikey turns on the TV, but none of them are really watching. Mikey flinches each time Leo cries out. Raph’s heart is racing. Casey is mostly just quiet. It goes on for what feels like forever.
And then there’s an actual scream from upstairs. Raph’s heart jumps into his throat, He might have broken one of the stairs on the way up, he stomps so quickly. He flings the bedroom door open.
Leo is out of the bed, curling over in pain as Donnie tries to support him. Rage overcomes Raph’s fear.
“WHY HE OUT OF BED!” He barks, thundering forward.
April jumps in front of him, babbling about something that Raph doesn’t care about. Leo is clearly in pain, and they dragged him out of the safety of his burrow, and for what?
“Oh god- oh it’s- something’s happening.” Leo chokes out, tears slipping down his face.
“OUT! Everyone OUT!” Donnie practically screams. Raph hesitates, but then April is shoving at his chest.
He spins around to see Mikey and Casey standing in the doorway, eyes wide and terrified. He quickly gathers them up and hauls them into the hallway. The door slams shut behind them.
Mikey is in tears. Casey looks beyond worried.
“Raph- Raph what is happening to him?” Casey says.
There's another moan of pain from the bedroom, and Raph winces.
Raph doesn’t have a good answer for Casey. He knows it’s not his place to say. Instead he ushers them back down stairs. Mikey clings to Raph’s arm, crying. Raph can’t find it in himself to try and make the box turtle feel better. His own mind is racing too fast with worry.
The groans from upstairs aren’t getting better. Each minute passes like agony. Clearly not as painful as what Leo is going through, but it’s still beyond difficult, sitting on the couch with a turtle curled into one side and a human seemingly trying to disappear into Raph’s other side.
Finally it’s quiet upstairs. It makes Raph both relieved and terrified. Mikey is called up first. Raph takes that to mean that it’s good news.
Several more minutes pass. Mikey does his delivery of a newly warmed rice bag and a fresh ice pack, and then comes back down.
“Donnie says he thinks it’s over.” Mikey says softly, looking kind of shell shocked.
“He okay?” Raph asks.
“I think. Donnie didn’t let me see him.”
Raph grits his teeth. And he waits. It feels like forever that they wait. And then Donnie softly calls him from upstairs.
Raph tries not to rush up. He does anyways. Donnie looks tired when he meets him at the door.
“Leo needs a bath. Can you carry him?”
Raph swallows, and nods. He peaks into the room, and Donnie steps aside to let him in. He comes over to the bed. Leo is face down in April’s lap. His breathing is finally soft, and he’s no longer curled up in pain. It’s an absolute relief to see.
“Leo.” Raph whispers, kneeling down by the bed to rub a hand over his shell.
Leo drags his face over to look at him. He gives him a tired smile.
“Heya Rapha.” He murmurs.
“Ya okay?”
Leo grunts.
“Donnie says bath.”
Leo groans. “No. Don’t wanna move.”
Raph rolls his eyes. He carefully scoops the slider up. Leo winces, but he doesn’t say anything. Donnie leads them to the bathroom. He starts the bath, feeling the water until it’s warm.
“Don.” Leo says softly, cheek pressed to Raph’s plastron.
Donnie hums.
“Can ya fix my nest, please.”
“Sure. Do you need help with the bath or can you take care of yourself?”
Blue eyes look up at Raph then, and Raph’s heart wooshes in his chest at the expression on that face.
“Probably need help. Raphie? You in?”
Raph’s immediate answer is yes. Instead he tries to tease. “Do I have choice?”
His heart melts at the smile that spreads across the slider’s face. “Nope.” He pops the p, “Captain's orders. Scrub my shell peasant.”
Raph snorts, and then shuffles over to gently set Leo in the filling tub.
“Water good?” Donnie asks.
Leo nods. “Feels good. Thanks.”
Donnie nods, and then leaves. Finally it’s just the two of them.
Raph doesn’t know what to say to him. He’s reminded that they need to talk. But he’s not sure now is actually the time to do that. Not about that.
It finally seems to hit him that Leo is okay. He’s been sitting in horrible suspense for the past few hours. But Leo is okay. He’s awake, he has a pretty smile on his face, and he’s joking around.
“Hey,” Leo says softly. A hand reaches out to touch Raph’s face. “Hey, Rapha, it’s okay.”
It’s then that Raph realizes he’s crying. He sniffs, trying to suck up the tears. Leo shifts, wincing, but leans up to wrap his arms around Raph’s broad spiky shoulders, squeezing softly.
“It’s okay.” He mumbles.
“Ya scared Raph.” He whimpers. Raph doesn’t whimper.
He doesn’t cry. Well- he does, sometimes. He hasn’t in a while.
“I know. I was scared too. I’m okay now. It’s all alright.”
Raph squeezes him probably a little too tight, but Leo doesn’t complain. He lets him cry into his shoulder, and Raph feels all kinds of warmth at the affection. The relief that rolls off his shoulders makes his chest feel light and fuzzy.
Finally Leo pulls back, and Raph has to let him go.
There’s a lot of things he could say. A lot he wants to say. How he was afraid to lose him. Afraid he might die. That him waking up from that coma might have been the most relieved Raph’s ever felt. That he was a nervous wreck downstairs just now, and would move mountains if that’s what it took to take away the slider’s pain. That Leo means so much to him, that it’s actually scary at times. How his heart has a mind of its own when he so much as looks at him. That he wants whatever it is that’s between them to keep going. That he wants to kiss him. He wants to curl up with him and just sleep. Hold him forever. Protect him. Keep him safe.
“Raph.” Leo sighs.
Raph hums, snaggle tooth worrying over his lip. He’s still staring at Leo.
“Stop looking at me like that.” Leo mumbles.
Raph startles, swallowing and blinking. “What?”
“You…you’re looking at me like…like I might die any second, or something.”
Raph tears his eyes away then, feeling bad. He doesn’t want Leo to be uncomfortable.
“Sorry.” He mumbles.
“Hey. It’s okay. I…it’s just a lot.” Leo whispers. “And I’m tired.”
Raph nods. “Wash?” He asks softly.
Leo nods. “Yeah.”
Raph finds a washcloth, and a bar of soap. He dips the washcloth into the water, and he catches a glimpse between Leo’s legs. The water has pink wisps. Raph knows blood when he sees it.
“Leo-“ he gasps, “You- bleedin’.”
Leo glances down. “Oh.” He says sleepily. “Yeah- I am. It’s…that’s normal.”
Raph looks up at him. He swallows. “It hurt?”
Leo blinks lazily at him. “Yeah. Always does.”
Raph frowns. “M’ sorry.”
“Not your fault, honey.” Leo hums.
Raph’s chest fills with a stupid amount of warmth at that. He meets those blue eyes, and Leo gives him a small smile, and then rolls his eyes.
“You’re doin’ it again. Lookin' at me like that. All mushy gushy.”
Raph looks away, feeling bad. He tries to busy himself with rubbing down Leo’s arms with the washcloth and soap. He works his way down his plastron, careful as he moves over his lower belly, afraid it might hurt. He steals a glance towards him, hesitating at his tail and legs.
The blue eyes that he’s met with are full of a look that Raph wasn’t expecting. He doesn’t know how to describe it. But it steals his breath, it makes his heart beat fast. Makes the warmth in his chest kick up.
“Rapha,” Leo says softly, deep voice like honey despite spending the past several hours screaming in pain, “I know we need to talk. About…before the invasion. Theres…there’s a lot I should explain to you, because you deserve better than I’ve given you. But I just…can it wait a few days, please? I’m- I’m really tired.”
Raph’s mouth pops open, and then he nods. He can wait.
Leo hums, and a hand reaches out to touch his face. “You deserve so much, you know that?”
Raph doesn’t know what to say to that. Leo is the one who deserves so much.
Raph is careful as he cleans the rest of him up. He helps him lean forward so he can scrub his shell, and then he’s pulling the drain and grabs a towel. Leo gives him a tired smile, and looks about ready to pass out. Raph does his best to dry him off in the tub, and then he scoops him up in his arms. Raph hates how easily he can carry him now. He lost a lot of muscle and weight during that coma.
He sets Leo down in the freshly remade burrow when they make it back to the bedroom. Leo holds onto one of Raph’s hands, making his heart beat in his chest. There’s an awkwardness between Leo and April, and Leo makes a comment about being embarrassed. Raph doesn’t really understand it.
Mikey comes barreling into the room. He practically tackles his brother, crushing him in a hug.
“Leo, you had me so worried.” Mikey babbles into his shoulder.
Leo gives a small smile. “Had myself worried too.” He yawns. “m’ ok now Mikes.”
“Good. I would have screamed so loud if you weren’t ok that they would hear me from space probably.” And that has Leo chuckling softly.
“Not to break up the reunion, but Leo, you’re still bleeding.” Donnie says awkwardly.
Leo’s face falls. Raph squeezes his hand as Donnie wraps up Leo’s tail. Casey comes in shortly after with food.
They don’t talk much. They’re all tired. A blow up mattress gets dragged into the room. Leo and Mikey are passed out curled together in the pile of bedding. Casey falls asleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. Donnie and April take the blow up bed. So Raph takes the other twin bed. He falls asleep watching Leo’s peaceful face from across the room.
- - - - -
The next day is slow. They’re all lazy getting out of bed. Leo is the last one to wake up, clearly exhausted. Donnie forces him to drink some water and eat some soup that Mikey makes, despite not being hungry. And then they’re all ushered out as Leo talks to Casey and April.
Raph is sitting on the couch watching cartoons with Mikey when Donnie bursts into the house, looking frantic. Raph immediately pops off the couch.
“What wrong?”
Donnie looks like he’s seen a ghost. He babbles for an answer. “I- uh- it’s- um- Leo- uh-“
Raph glances down to see Donnie clutching something round and wrapped in a towel to his plastron.
“I need to talk to Leo!” He squeaks, “Very important! Excuse me!”
“He’s still talking to April and Casey!” Mikey calls as Donnie rushes up the stairs, completely ignoring the box turtle.
Mikey turns to him. “That was weird, right? Donnie is acting weird?”
Raph nods, agreeing. Granted, Donnie does a lot of weird things that Raph never understands. Sure there’s all the tech and the science, but then there’s also just- the Donnie being Donnie and doing strange stuff.
April and Casey come down stairs looking a little confused.
“Uhhh- hey guys! How uh- how’d the talk go?” Mikey asks.
Casey speaks first. “It went fine. Leo was being really awkward. Like you guys are literal mutant humanoid turtles. We fight aliens all the time. I’ve seen weirder.”
“To clarify, Casey was fine with the trans thing, but freaked out about the eggs.” April sighs, flopping down next to Mikey.
“Hey! How was I supposed to know turtles lay eggs?”
Mikey laughs. “Dude! We’re reptiles!”
Casey bickers with them both, but as far as Raph can tell, they took the news very well.
“Anyways, Donnie came bursting in acting all weird and kicked us out.”
“He did come in here acting all weird.” Mikey says, “He’s definitely up to something.”
They don’t figure out what that thing is. Donnie rushes down with the rice bag, popping in the microwave for three minutes. He dodges all their questions, and then zips back upstairs once the rice is done. He and Leo stay upstairs a really long time. Raph starts to get worried. He starts to consider going up to check on them, but then finally Donnie comes down stairs.
“Hey dude. What’s up?” Mikey smiles from over the couch.
Donnie offers a weird smile. He looks at the two of them for a moment. His eyes seem to land on Raph in particular.
“Uh…just uh, stuff.”
“You were up there forever! How’s Leo?” April asks.
Donnie seems touchy on the subject. “He’s fine.”
That’s all they get out of him. Raph moves to go check on Leo himself after about 15 minutes, but Donnie stops him.
“He uh- he said he wanted some alone time. I gave him his t-phone. He can call us if he needs anything.”
Raph looks at him. He finds that weird. He's kind of worried, but he decides he can wait.
After about an hour the others end up going outside to do stuff. Donnie practically drags Mikey away from the TV. April and Casey don’t need so much persuading.
A few moments after they’re gone Raph gets a text from Leo.
I need to talk to you.
Raph isn’t sure why that makes him so nervous. He goes up the stairs, and knocks. There’s a soft “come in” from the other side.
When he walks in, he’s immediately hit with worry. Leo is curled up in his burrow, tears down his face. Raph closes the door behind him and rushes over.
“Leo? What wrong?”
Leo swallows, and then pats the bed. “Can you- can you sit? Please?”
Leo is making him very nervous. He sits. Leo sniffles, and wipes his eyes. He can’t seem to look at Raph.
“Leo, what wrong? Why ya cryin’?” Raph shifts on the bed, tail tucking its way under his right thigh out of nerves.
Leo shifts to lean forward. Raph gladly grabs his hand. He squeezes.
“I’m…I have something to tell you. And I’m afraid you might be upset.”
Raph’s heart is hurting in his chest. He has a very bad feeling in his gut. It makes it hard to breathe.
“Why I be upset?”
Leo still can’t look at him. He squeezes his hand. “You know how yesterday, in the tub, I said we needed to talk?”
Raph freezes. Yeah. Talk about them, about…what happens now. Why would Raph be upset about that? Unless…unless what Leo has to say isn’t what Raph wants to hear.
Raph suddenly feels sick. Is this Leo trying to tell him that he doesn’t want this anymore? He’s afraid Raph will be angry if he tells the truth?
Raph pulls his hand away. He swallows.
The feeling in his chest is more painful than a punch to the gut. Hurts more than a sprained ankle, hurts more than getting chucked against a building by a massive mutant. He feels like someone has stolen the air from his lungs.
“Don’t.” He whispers.
“Raph, please, just- this is really important.”
He shakes his head. Suddenly he’s crying. He feels embarrassed. Leo probably doesn’t want him to cry, that’s only going to make this worse. He didn’t want Raph to get upset. And now Raph is upset.
He struggles to swallow the thick lump in his throat. His words wobble out of his mouth.
“Please, no say it.” Raph whimpers. “Don’t.”
Leo finally looks at him, blue eyes watery. “Raph…”
And then Raph says something he shouldn’t. Something that makes this all so much worse.
“I love you.” He chokes out.
Leo’s mouth pops open, shock on his features. Raph isn’t sure why he looks like that, why he looks so surprised. Is it that surprising? Was he not supposed to fall in love with him? Or did Leo not think Raphael knew what that was? Maybe Raph can’t blame him for thinking that. There’s still a lot that he doesn’t understand.
He digs the hole deeper. He makes things worse.
“No say it. Don’t. Love you. Need you. Don’t- please no say it.”
“Raphael.” Leo breathes, “What do you think I’m going to say?”
Raph looks at him. Shakes his head. This is mean. This is so mean. He finds himself fisting the blankets, gripping hard as he cries.
Just when he had a shred of hope that things were going to be okay again. Every time he gets a little bit of light in his life, it gets ripped away again. How does this keep happening to him? How does the world just keep crumbling around him?
“You don’t. No like me. No want me, not like that. You want- no more of me. Like that.”
Leo lets out a strange sound then. It catches Raph’s attention. His blue eyes are so pretty, and they hurt so much to look at. Leo looks crushed. He’s crying again.
“Raphie,” he whispers, breath hitching, “Raphie no, no no no, I- oh god, why would you think that?”
No? What does he mean no?
There’s another flicker of hope. A tiny shred of light that promises the world might be okay after all.
Raphael squashes it. He can’t handle any more of those. He can’t handle having them ripped away again and again. He hates it, wants no more of it.
“Stop it.” He growls, getting up.
Leo looks completely confused.
“You- you do this.” He points at him, tears hot down his cheeks, heart like a hollow hole in his chest, “You do it all time. You like me, and then don’t. You kiss me and then- pretend it not happen. Can’t decide. Like you not want this. Just- sometimes. I want all the times.” He growls it out, and stomps like a child throwing a tantrum. The hurt is too much, he needs a way to get it out. He only knows one way to do that. “You say you afraid I get upset, at this thing. What you have to say. f*cking-“ he rips a pillow off the bed, wacking it against the wall. It explodes into a puff of feathers. Leo flinches. Raph spins back to glare at him. The pillow didn’t help at all. “What else I get mad at? You not love me back! Fine! But no act so surprised!”
It’s so not fine. It’s really not fine. Raph’s chest hurts. This is actually terrible.
Leo is in tears. He’s shaking his head. He’s trying to crawl out of the nest of blankets, wincing as he does so.
“Raph- Raphael, please. Calm down, please.”
“No!” He shouts.
He’s about to punch a hole in the wall. He turns to do it, arm reeling back, and then a hand grabs him, and he’s pulled to a stop.
“Raphael, stop it. Look at me. Listen to me, please.” He’s forced to turn, and then hands take his face. “Look at me, please.”
Those pretty blue eyes look so sad. And scared.
It’s the fear that makes him pause. He doesn’t want Leo to be afraid of him. He doesn’t want to be a monster.
“Raphael, I do love you. I love you so much- god- I love you so much I don’t know how to handle it. f*ck- just- please, come here.”
Raph’s brain doesn’t quite process those words at first. They stun him. Instead he’s dragged down onto the bed, his face getting hugged against Leo’s plastron. Leo takes a shaky breath.
“I’m- I’m sorry, Raph. I’m so sorry I made you feel like- like maybe you weren’t that important to me. God- I’m the worst.” He squeaks.
Raph pulls away then, to look at him. Leo is still in tears, blue eyes flooded with an emotion Raph can’t name.
“You love me?” He whispers, brain still trying to grasp that concept.
He always hoped it could be true. But he never…he never really thought he’d hear Leo say it.
Leo lets out a squeaky laugh, and then nods rapidly. “Yes, god yes, I love you so much Raph.”
Raph blinks. And suddenly he’s crying for a whole different reason.
“Oh.”
Leo giggles wetly, and Raph can’t help but squeeze him into a tight hug, gasping against his neck.
It’s a crazy rush in his chest. It’s a lot like whiplash, going from an empty hole that threatens to take over everything, to feeling so full he might explode. He feels on top of the world, light headed by the switch. He laughs and cries into Leo’s skin, shaking.
“You love me.” He breathes.
“I love you, Rapha.”
He laughs. He squeezes tight, and Leo yelps. He immediately yanks back, apologizing. Leo just shakes his head, tell him it’s okay. And then he bites down on his lip, and gets a look on his face that Raph doesn’t like.
“What?” He asks.
Leo reaches to swipe at Raph’s cheek. “Raph I- I should, I should really explain. Why I’ve been so back and forth with you. And…it’s not going to be easy for me. I don’t…I don’t know if you’ll understand, or if you can forgive me for making you hurt like that-“
“Forgive you?” Raph is confused; forgive him for what?
Leo nods. “Yes. For not being straight with you. For- making you question whether I actually liked you or not. That’s not- relationships shouldn’t be like that, Raph.”
Raph sort of figured that out. But no one’s ever really confirmed it for him.
“Oh.” He whispers.
Leo shuffles, glancing back at his nest of blankets. He starts to climb back in, hissing when it hurts. He must still be bleeding from his tail, because he still has it wrapped. Leo flops down in the hole, chirping softly as he fluffs up the sides and fixes it. Raph scoots to sit patiently outside the pile, tail wagging helplessly against the bed.
Leo looks torn for a moment, and then he looks down and takes a breath. “Raph. I…you know I’m…the whole trans thing.”
He nods.
“It…” Leo swallows. “I get really…insecure, about myself. About my body. That it’s…wrong. I’m in the wrong body, Raph. Do you, understand that?”
Raph frowns. He likes Leo. That includes his body. He wouldn’t say it’s wrong. This is just, how Leo is. And he’s fine with that. Happy with it, actually. It doesn’t bother him at all.
“I’m a guy up here,” Leo says, poking at his head, “but I’m a girl down here. And that- that really messes with my head. That it doesn’t, match up. So it feels wrong. My body is wrong.”
“I no think it wrong.” Raph whispers. “Ya perfect.”
Leo flushes. “I- okay-“ he laughs, awkwardly. And then he swallows hard. “Raph would- if I- if I wasn’t like this- trans, I mean. If I didn’t lay eggs and have- those parts. Would you- would you still like me or-“
Raph frowns. That’s a crazy question. “‘Course.” He says, half cutting Leo off.
Leo looks at him for a moment. He flushes deeply, and looks down at his lap, fiddling with the corner of a blanket. “Right. Okay. That’s- wow. Didn’t know I needed to hear that.” Suddenly he’s crying again.
“I sorry-“ Raph starts, feeling bad.
“No- no it’s- this is a good cry, Raph. Sorry. I just- I’m kind of emotional right now. It’s been a really crazy day.”
Raph reaches to grab his hand, and Leo lets him hold it. There’s a moment as Leo tries to catch his bearings. Raph just watches him. He can’t ever seem to take his eyes off of him once he’s looking. Leo swallows and clears his throat.
“So, um, as I was saying. I just- I struggle sometimes with the way I look. It bothers me. And, when I have those moments it’s…it’s really hard for me to be with you. And it’s not that I don’t want to- I do- I just…my mind is mean to me sometimes, and…” he trails off, squeezing Raph’s hand. He sniffles, and then squeaks, and suddenly he’s crying again. It makes Raph’s heart squeeze, to see him upset like this. When Leo looks up the tears are high in his eyes, and his voice warbles as he speaks. “Sometimes I get convinced that you won’t want me, or you’ll think I’m gross, because I feel gross, and I just- it gets so hard-“
Raph reaches out to grasp his face with both hands. “No cry,” he breathes, “Not gross. Ya so pretty, so handsome.”
Leo chuckles, tears hot against Raph’s thumbs as he wipes them away. Raph can’t help but lean in and press a kiss against his forehead.
He hates the tears. Hates that Leo hurts like this. He never realized Leo struggled like this. He didn’t know this was something he could struggle over. But he thinks it makes sense.
That doesn’t mean that he likes it.
“You so pretty, Leo.” He breathes against his skin, placing another kiss. “Very handsome. Pretty smile. Pretty eyes. Love ya eyes.”
Leo is flushing, red spilling across his cheeks. “Say handsome,” he whispers, “That’s better.”
Raph nods. “Handsome. Handsome eyes. Handsome smile.”
Leo goes even redder, if at all possible. “Thank you,” he squeaks.
The chirp leaves Raph’s mouth before he can stop it. He kisses Leo’s forehead again, and another chirp. His tail wags, scutes ripping across the blanket. It makes Leo giggle.
“You’re gonna ruin that blanket if you keep doing that.”
“Not help it. Happy.” Raph follows it up with another chirp.
Leo lets out a wet cry again. “God- you’re so good. I don’t know how I managed to get you.” Leo reaches out, arms trying to hug him. Raph scoots closer so he can hug him.
“You good too.” He says, and Leo hums.
They sit in silence, arms wrapped around each other. Finally Leo speaks up again.
“Raph. I don’t want to be back and forth with you like that. I- I’m gonna try not to get scared, or insecure, to the point where I try to pull away. You deserve better than that. And I’m sorry.”
Raph takes a big breath. He pecks the top of Leo’s head. “What about others?” He asks.
Leo tenses up. “The- the others?”
Raph hums, hoping he’s not pushing this too much, hopes he’s not ruining this. “Telling them. Why not?”
Leo takes a shaky breath. He pulls away. “That’s- that’s really complicated Raph. I- I’m not…” he takes a big breath. Closes his eyes, and then opens them. He looks up at him, handsome blue eyes flickering across Raph’s face. “I didn’t want the others to know because I wasn’t sure I deserved you. I was afraid- I was afraid they would think I wasn’t good enough, or that- that-“ Leo grabs his own head, looking down, “I don’t know. It all sounds so stupid and silly now. But it- it scared me. And I didn’t want- I didn’t know what they would think. If they’d think it was weird, or something, for the two of us to be together.”
Raph blinks. That’s a lot to comprehend. He swallows. “I think.” He says. And then feels like he needs to tell Leo more. “I think you good enough. I- Raph one not good, I- not good at emotions and- Raph get mad-“
“Hey, it’s okay. I know, believe me. But you are good, okay? You just- you were on your own so long- it’s just, it’s hard. And we all understand that. We get it. Please don’t beat yourself up over that.”
Raph looks at him for a moment. “Promise,” he says, “Promise I believe it, if ya believe you good too.”
Leo’s face melts into something soft. “Oh Raph- ug. You make my heart hurt, you’re so sweet.”
“I sorry-“ he says, but Leo cuts him off.
“No- I mean it as a good thing. But- yeah, I’ll try to believe that. I promise, I’ll try.”
Raph smiles, and he leans down to peck him directly on the nose, foreheads bonking together. Leo laughs, shoving him away with a big smile. Raph swoops in again to try and kiss his flaming cheeks. Leo giggles, playfully fighting him off. Raph scoots closer, and continues his attack, showering him in kisses. Leo falls backwards onto his carapace, and Raph leans forwards over him and the nest. Leo stops giggling, breath catching as he looks up at him. Raph leans down to kiss him gently on the forehead.
Softly, he says, “Want in ya nest. Please?”
Leo’s breath hitches. “You- Raph-“
“Not okay? I sorry,” he starts, pulling back. He knows Leo is very particular about his burrows. He knows he doesn’t like it when other people touch it.
“No I- yes, yes I want you in here but I- there’s something I need to tell you.”
Raph pulls farther away, sitting back. Leo pushes himself back up to sit, wincing slightly.
“It’s…the thing I meant to tell you, earlier. The thing…I’m scared you won’t like.”
Now Raphael is very confused. What is there that he couldn’t possibly like? He’s got everything now.
He feels uneasy again, shifting on the bed.
“Raph…that night…”
Raph’s heart sinks. Oh. That. “You not like it?” He whispers, frowning.
Leo huffs, “No- that’s- that’s not what I’m trying to say. I- I did like it. I-“ he flushes scarlet again, almost as red as the streaks on his temples. “I didn’t think I’d ever enjoy something like that and you…you were great, it was great, Raph.”
Raph’s tail thumps on the bed, and he gets a giddy feeling in his chest then. “Great for Raph too.” He blushes, giving a shy smile.
Leo swallows. “Yeah, well, uh…we weren’t really…careful.”
Raph frowns. He doesn’t know what Leo means by that. Leo swallows sharply again, and then he’s pulling something out from the nest.
It’s the round thing covered by a towel that Donnie had earlier today. Leo carefully takes the towel off.
It’s an egg.
Raph blinks. And stares.
“Um. This is. One of the eggs that I laid, last night.” He holds it carefully. And then he hands it out to Raph.
Raph takes it, gently. It’s big, for an egg. Bigger than the eggs Leo normally lays. Bigger than the ones Raph usually sees Donnie throw out.
It’s warm. Leo must have been keeping it warm. That makes Raph feel funny in his chest, a weird instinct clicking in his head. He chirps at it.
“There’s…a baby, in there, Raph.” Leo whispers softly, voice shaking slightly as he says it. Like he’s scared to admit it.
Raph looks up at him quickly. And back down at the egg.
“A- a baby?” He says softly.
Leo’s eyes are on him, and he looks nervous. “It’s your baby, Raphael.”
Raph’s mouth pops open. He glances up at Leo, to see if he’s serious.
A, baby? His baby?
“I know that- you might not have wanted this. And that’s okay, you don’t have to do anything. I haven’t decided what I want to do yet but I felt, you should know. And it’s- it’s okay if you don’t want it, it’s okay if that’s too much I get it-“ Leo starts babbling, fingers twisting together as his shoulders reach up to his ears.
Raph blinks down at the baby. His baby.
The feeling that takes over in his chest is strong.
“I can get rid of it, Donnie can get rid of it for us it doesn’t- you don’t have to care or anything if you don’t want to it’s okay-“
Raph looks up at him, Leo’s babbling words finally clicking in his head, and he feels horrified. Disgusted. He pulls the egg closer to his chest, leaning away. He hisses, tail thwacking against the bed. “NO!” He growls.
Leo looks startled.
Raph can’t even fathom the idea. Of another being just, left to die. Discarded. Just like he was. Born into a world desperate to kill him. With no one to help him, no one to save him. He had to raise himself. He had no one.
He doesn’t know how to be a dad. He doesn’t know how to raise a child. But god damn it, he’s going to raise this thing the best he possibly can. So it doesn’t have to grow up like he did. So it’s safe, so it has a family, and people who care for it.
He’s going to love this baby. Because no one loved him, when he needed it.
“No,” he whispers. Looking down at the egg. The sound that comes from his chest isn’t a noise he knew he could make. Something like a purr, but more of a trill. “My baby.” He breathes, wrapping his hands around the egg, holding it to his cheek.
“Our baby.”
Raph opens his eyes to look at Leo. He sits stock still, tears slipping down his face. Leo swallows. And then he moves, leaning forward.
“It’s our baby, Raphael.”
Raph feels like he’s melting. Theirs. Their baby.
Raphael reaches out for Leo. Leo grasps his hand. Raph makes a total mess of the burrow trying to squeeze in next to Leo, but Leo just laughs, tears streaming down his cheeks as Raph cradles the egg.
“You want to- you really want to do this? With me?” He says.
Raph looks down at the egg. This round larger-than-a-baseball thing that totally just changed his life.
“Yes.” He says. He’s never been so sure of something in his life.
Leo laughs. He laughs and he cries, and then he finally kisses him.
Raph’s heart feels like it’s going to explode, in the best way possible. He leans into the kiss, grabs at Leo’s face to draw him closer, and his tail wags like crazy. It makes Leo break away with a laugh, complaining about the nest that is getting totally destroyed by Raph’s big tail.
“We’re gonna need a bigger bed. And a bigger nest.” Leo laughs.
Raph pecks his lips, smiling wide. “I fix it.” He hands him the egg, and then hops off the bed. He picks up the blow up mattress to lean it up against a wall. Leo scoffs when Raph shoves the other twin bed across the floor, until they’re touching in the middle. He hops up on the bed, and regathers the bedding to fluff it back up. Leo kicks to make a hole, and Raph is back to making that purring sound in his chest, chirping as he crawls in. Leo puts the egg on the warm rice bag, covering it with a blanket, and then places it between them in the nest. Raph’s tail is still wagging. He tries to stifle it, but he can only do so much.
“Happy.” He says, and Leo curls up to cuddle into him. Raph pulls him close, showering kisses to his face until Leo giggles.
“I’m happy too.” Leo smiles, “and relieved. Was afraid you would hate this.”
Raph grumbles. “No. Love our baby.”
Leo smiles so bright, a big happy handsome smile that has Raph’s heart doing flips. He’s pretty sure his heart has always done flips whenever Leo has smiled.
They lay in silence for a long while. Raph basks in the warmth, and he accepts the hope that fills his chest. Maybe the world won’t go to sh*t after all. Maybe they will be okay.
“Raph. I don’t know how to raise a child.” Leo breaks the silence after a while.
Raph laughs. “Think I do?”
— — — Epilogue — — —
“Belle! Get back here!”
The little turtle giggles as she stumbles across the lair, headed straight for the dojo, where Splinter is meditating.
Raph sees her just in time as he walks into the living room, swooping in to grab her just before she makes it through the doors. She giggles, shoving at her papa’s face with her tiny hands. He walks back over to plop down next to Leo on the couch. Leo sighs, taking her.
“You need to eat your carrots, missy.” He waves a carrot in front of her face.
“Don’t force her to eat veggies. They’re nasty.” Mikey huffs.
“You are a terrible example.” Leo rolls his eyes.
“She don’t like carrots.” Raph grins. “Want pepperoni?”
Leo scoffs, “Raph, we can’t feed our 11 month old pepperoni.”
“Technically she is half alligator snapping turtle. She would require a protein heavy diet.” Donnie butts in, plopping down on a beanbag to watch TV with Mikey, yawning as he stretches his arms.
“Ow!” Leo squeals, yanking his finger away, “She just bit me! Raph!”
Belle squeals and laughs, cooing and chirping as she smacks her hands to Leo’s cheeks.
“No look at me! I don’t teach her that!” Raph throws his hands up in surrender.
“You are the snapping turtle!”
“She loves you. Bites to play.” Raph grins, leaning over to playfully nip at Leo’s shoulder.
“Hey! You are not helping!” Leo scoffs, trying to squash his smile.
Raph decides to steal the baby. He slips off the couch and pulls her off of Leo’s lap. He spins them in circles, throwing her up in the air. She squeals, laughing as he catches her. Leo sighs, but clearly can’t help his smile. Raph blows raspberries against her plastron, making her shriek, feet kicking. He grins, slinging her to sit in one arm.
“Let’s get you good lunch.” He says, “No icky carrots. I get you pepperoni.”
“Pepp- pepyoni!” She slaps at Raph’s plastron with a little hand, a massive smile on her face.
“WHAT!” Leo yells, bolting upright.
“Oh my god! Did she just say her real first word?” Mikey jumps in his beanbag to look over towards them.
Raph smiles so hard his face hurts. “Pepperoni?” He repeats.
She giggles, slapping his plastron again. “Pepyoni!”
“Oh my god I can’t believe her first word is pepperoni. We are raising a pizza addict.”
“Honestly, that’s the most on-brand thing your child could have said. Of course her first real word other than ‘Dada’ was pepperoni.” Donnie scoffs.
Mikey sniffles fake tears. “It’s beautiful. I’m so proud of her.”
“Pepperoni for lunch!” Raph exclaims, slipping towards the kitchen.
“No! Raph! We cannot feed her pepperoni!”
Belle just laughs at her dad, gorgeous blue eyes sparkling, cheeks pink with joy. Raph kisses her on the head. She’s his little light in a world that’s always trying to crumble; one he’s had to hop through several dimensions for, gone to space for, and traveled back in time to fix. But she alone makes it all worth it. He’d do it all again, just for her.
